Remembering my Mother

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On any other day or time, my mother’s last day would have been full of people whose lives she touched so beautifully. And though I may not believe in these rituals, my family would have had a remembrance gathering today on her Terahvi.

But in her last days and after that, she didn’t get anything she deserved. Nor the death, nor the farewell, nor a simple get-together of family and friends even to remember her beautiful life. So I thought I will at least share a few words about her with all of you who were there with your support and kindness with her and me during the last 5 weeks.

If I have to describe my mother in one word, it will be – GIVER. She always told me that true happiness is in giving. This is what she taught me. She believed in giving unconditional love to everyone, being kind to everyone, extending a helping hand to the ones in need, forgiving everyone, supporting people in every other way one possibly can.

She was petite but with a big heart, a heart that could accommodate everyone, everyone’s happiness, and everyone’s sorrow.

She was known and loved by all relatives and friends. She ruled every heart and affected every soul with her warm smile and presence. She loved to laugh and talk to her friends. She always kept in touch with everyone. She loved to cook and feed everyone. She lived her life in dignity and good health. Her husband, her kids, and granddaughters were her world. Because this is all I heard every day when I spoke to her. She was the life of our family.

But now the life of our family is no more, and all we are left with is pain in our hearts and tears in our eyes.

Since this pandemic started and as we saw millions being snatched away, we tried to protect her in every possible way. But we failed to protect her. We went from pillar to post but to no avail. We begged and cried in the hospitals to admit her, but our cries fell on deaf ears. We failed to give her oxygen that could have kept her alive. We failed to give her a hospital bed that could have saved her life. We never felt so distressed and helpless in our lives.

For twenty-four days, we watched her fight like a warrior—every second. At times with a smile and at times with silent tears. We saw her struggling with life and death. On the 14th day, still at home, we saw her sinking; we watched her fade away, our hearts totally broken. But she fought so hard to stay. She came back and showed there was still a ray of hope; I could hear her heart say, “Save me if you still can.” We finally got a hospital bed, but the brave her couldn’t find the strength anymore. So, after ten days with her smile and blessings, she went into sleep. When we saw her sleeping so peacefully, free from all pain, we could not wish her back to suffer that again.

She lived her life for others; she lived her life by giving every bit of herself, but when it came to us giving back to her, we could only give her false hope, disappointment, and tears. All her life she lived with dignity, but we even failed to give her a dignified farewell. My mother did not deserve this. We cannot come out of much guilt, and one of them is this. No human deserves to die like this.

As a mother, she passed her best traits to me—love, patience, kindness, hard work, forgiveness, compassion, and generosity. Life’s best gift that she gave me. I will keep her alive not only in my memories but in every act of mine; I will keep her alive. I will make sure to pass on these traits to my daughter, whom she was so proud of. I will make sure to continue believing in GIVING without any expectations or returns.

I will miss seeing her beautiful smile and the sound of her voice saying my name. I will miss hearing her say “I love you.” I will miss the warmth of her gentle hug and love. I will miss every bit of her. She will always remain alive in my heart.